


Sorry

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Magic Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:22:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How far is Arthur willing to push Merlin to prove he's sorry?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry

Arthur sees Merlin take a deep gulp of the drink and set it down. He looks pale, and when Arthur meets his eyes he regrets his decision. He looks sad, but determined. For a moment he holds Arthur's gaze, he's drunk the drink despite believing it contains poison. A poison he saw Arthur put into the drink. Then he's blinking, his eyes drooping, and Merlin collapses in his chair.

\---

It started a week before when he'd caught Merlin saving him. He tells himself that if he hadn't caught Merlin throwing a soldier through the air using magic to stop him stabbing Arthur through the heart, he would have killed him there an then. But even he's not sure how true that is. 

For two days he'd been silent on the subject. Bitter and domineering and bordering on cruel, he barely speaks to Merlin except to order him to do more chores than anyone could be humanly expected to complete. Then after two days he breaks and yells and shouts and swears. Merlin, looking like a kicked puppy, takes it. But Arthur isn't convinced Merlin's really learnt his lesson. Besides, Merlin has broken his trust and Arthur wants to see how far Merlin is willing to go to prove his loyalty.

So he orders Merlin to bring him a vial of poison. Merlin's brow furrows, but his comment or question or argument is silenced by the glare Arthur sends him. The next day he walks into Arthur's chambers looking serious, anxious. He hands Arthur the vial and stands there, waiting for an explanation. Arthur takes the vial and puts it in his drawer, then moves on to training and Merlin's chores. Merlin looks between Arthur and the drawer confused, but doesn't bring the subject up again. 

The rest of the week he keeps an eye on the drawer though. Arthur catches him glancing at it. But Arthur's in a better mood. Merlin has done what he was told, and he hasn't attempted to remove the poison. Arthur's tested it's potency on a bit of cheese and was pleased to find a dead mouse the next morning. Merlin was far less so, but Arthur had burned the cheese by then, so Merlin is left to wonder and mourn the death of a mouse. 

And then it's this evening. Arthur has decided that tonight is the night to test Merlin's loyalty to the limit. If Arthur handed it to him, would he kill himself? Arthur had thought of using the real poison, of watering it down, or of making Merlin throw up, but he can't bring himself to. He wants to test Merlin's loyalty not actually risk his life. So the poison has been tipped into a bucket of mop water when Merlin wasn't paying attention. Then Arthur has thoroughly cleaned out the bottle, and replaced the contents with something a little less harmful. 

But he has to make Merlin see him pour the contents of the vial into the goblet of wine he offers him that night. Then he hands it to Merlin as if it's the most normal thing in the world. For a moment Merlin hesitates before taking it, blinking rapidly. But then he takes it firmly, holding it in his lap. 

"The harvest reports look good." says Arthur, faking nonchalance. 

"Yes, very good." says Merlin, and there's a definite shake in his voice.

"And the lists for the joust look like it will make a good tournament." continues Arthur, but he's beginning to feel cruel, like he's twisting a knife. Arthur takes a sip of his own wine to calm himself.

"Oh, that's good." He looks up at Merlin, who goes pale, almost green. And then before Arthur can change his mind and tell Merlin to forget the wine, Merlin downs it. He's eyes are like daggers to Arthur's heart when he looks up. Is this enough, is it enough now? And then his eyes are fluttering, his gaze going close and then distant, and then he's collapsing in the chair, dropping the rest of the wine down himself. 

Arthur immediately jumps from his chair and runs to check Merlin's pulse. He didn't think that Morgana's old sleeping draft would work that quickly, and he was worried he'd given Merlin too much. But Merlin's heartbeat is strong and he's breathing. Arthur drops his head to rest on Merlin's chest. That was cruel. But at least now he knows how loyal Merlin is. He carefully picks up Merlin's limp, and surprisingly heavy body and carries him to his own bed. He pulls of his boots and manages to drag the covers over him. Then Arthur drags himself onto the other side of the bed and lies down. He takes a long time to fall asleep.

\---

Merlin wakes up in the middle of the night. His head is pounding and it's pitch black. There's a cover over him, but he's in a bed. Why is he in a bed? Why is he anything? He's supposed to be dead! Arthur poisoned him. Arthur couldn't forgive him, so he killed him. Maybe it's the magic, maybe he needs a stronger poison to die. Now Arthur will be even angrier. He'll have disappointed him again. At least when he drank the poison he'd proved he was loyal. Except... what if Arthur thinks he didn't really bring a poison? He'll think Merlin is a liar all over again. Merlin can feel the tears coming and he's sobbing which makes his head hurt even more. 

Someone stirs to the side of him.

"Merlin?" comes Arthur's grumpy voice. 

"I'm sorry!! I'm sorry! I swear it was poison! I did try, I did!" he cries, almost screams.

"Oh, sh... Merlin! Merlin listen to me!" says Arthur, his own heart thumping. Because this isn't how he imagined telling Merlin he was forgiven. It always involved Arthur feeling very self-righteous and justified, and Merlin very grateful. Not Arthur feeling more guilty than he's ever felt whilst Merlin falls apart in front of him. 

"I wasn't lying Arthur, I thought it would..." babbles Merlin, crying as he talks. Arthur tries to reach across to reassure him, but the babble of words continues. So he moves forward and grabs both of Merlin's shoulders. 

"Merlin!" shouts Arthur right into Merlin's face, so close that Merlin stops, even if he is still shaking. 

"Merlin, calm down. I didn't poison you." says Arthur more calmly. 

"But... but I saw you!" says Merlin, his voice high and whining.

"You saw me pour the vial into the wine, Merlin." starts Arthur.

"Yes!" says Merlin, desperately.

"Merlin, it wasn't poison in the vial, I switched it. It was just a sleeping draft of Morgana's. I was testing you." For a moment Merlin just lies in the darkness in front of Arthur in silence. But then a low whine starts, which, with intermittent breaths, turns into a loud, constant scream. Arthur feels like it's tearing his heart apart. He crawls forward and wraps himself around Merlin. Merlin pushes back and kicks out, but eventually stills beneath Arthur's arms. 

"Merlin." whispers Arthur. "I'm sorry."


End file.
